I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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