see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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