More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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