sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
