just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
