I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
