she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize