also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
