I hate all girls vehemently.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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