For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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