just tell him i said nine months
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
