I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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