Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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