Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
