She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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