I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
