i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
