What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
