Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When are your genitals available?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
