Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
