We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
