She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
