Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
