I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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