we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
