You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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