Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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