some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
