Im at strip club and am horny
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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