Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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