At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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