Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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