He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
