Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
