I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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