Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
