When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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