ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
