I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
