nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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