My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just had sex on a roof
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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