12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
