Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
