You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just forgot I was standing up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
