Already got asked if we're dating
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
