every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
