his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
