Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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