Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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