I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
