I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
