Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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