I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You need Xanax blowdarts
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
