Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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