I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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