That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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