Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
