If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i out mim tonsoeep
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