I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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