You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize