I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Actions speak louder than pants.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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