Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Randomize
