meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize