My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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