Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
