"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize