I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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