there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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