Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
