bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
did i just pee glitter
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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