Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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