ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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