there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
